I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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