Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
