The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
