Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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