rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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