Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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