Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
