so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
