I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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