Its about making memories worth repressing
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
