R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
