quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
