spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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