Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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