I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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