i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
