So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize