what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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