I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
