She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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