Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
