Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
