just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
