So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
