office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
