Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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