It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have fence marks all over my body
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
