Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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