Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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