oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
