Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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