Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
