I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize