Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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