Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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