If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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