Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
