arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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