I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
