I could make wine with my vomit
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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