just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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