Me. At least after what I've been through.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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