Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A+ Viking dick
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
