Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
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all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize