I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
