I hate your face
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The struggles of a small town man whore
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
