those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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