It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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