We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
