I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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