Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I fill condoms, not promises.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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