you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
