He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
