i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
