Whod you bang
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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