We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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