you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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