4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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