I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We need to get me chipped asap
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
