Sry I called you an 8
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
