Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
