in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
