come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She bit a glass in half.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Text me some of your sweat
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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