You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize