you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
