Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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