I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
