I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
