Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
