3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
